Hockey Heads
by OMWG
Summary: Kendall has always loved hockey. It only makes sense that it happened while he was doing something he loved.


**OMWGNOTE: **So this is a very late Christmas present to my soul matest soul mate EpicInTheLibrary. She likes Kendallangst. I'll waste your time at the end. I don't own anything. Thank you to Miss Fenway for giving me feedback on everything. You rock!

By the way I know little to nothing about hockey so that's why the first part of this is shit.

* * *

"I bet Duluth is going to lose today," James tells Kendall, smirking as they sit on a bench in the locker room. He pulls on one of his skates and expertly does the laces, tying them tightly.

Kendall laughs. "And why is that?" He asks. "Is it because we're ridiculously awesome?"

James nods as he pulls on his other skate. "Well, that," He says, "And the fact that Duluth sounds like douche, in a way. Douche, Duluth. Hear the similarity?"

"Wow," Kendall responds. "You have a point."

"Don't I always?"

Kendall shakes his head. "No," He says. "Actually, you rarely have a point." He scoots away from James to avoid the punch that's sure to come and, sure enough, James swings at empty air.

"Maybe you should be on Duluth, douche bag," He says, standing up and only wobbling slightly on his skates. "You'd fit in perfectly." Despite James' comment, he still holds out a hand to help Kendall to his feet.

"You're more of a douche bag than I am, buddy ol' pal," Kendall says as they hobble out of the locker room.

James grabs his shoulder, turning him around. "How so?"

"You got a mustang for Christmas, James."

"So?" James asks. "That doesn't make me a douche bag!"

His blonde friend laughs at him. "But it actually does."

James glares at him. "Go die, Kendall."

Kendall only laughs again. "You don't mean that, Jay," He says. "We both know you _loooove_ me!"

"And I'm beginning to rethink that," James mutters. "Now shut up, the game's starting."

James' call for the game starting is too early, for both teams have only just arrived on the ice. It's only the five starters; Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan and a boy named Rian Gibbs. They all work well together on the ice and usually manage to score so high that their coach lets some of the younger, less experienced players join the game.

Today is no different. The five boys felt cocky as they entered the game. Duluth East has always been a rival of Little Marais High School and although the number of wins were usually split evenly between the two teams, but this year Little Marais had won every single game they played.

The Duluth East players weren't too happy with the five boys by the time the game was halfway through. Kendall, Rian and James had a way of secretly flaunting to the Duluth boys that they were ahead when the referees weren't looking. Most of the plays that involved violence were Duluth players attacking Kendall, Rian and James or the three boys getting revenge.

Kendall has always loved the rush of a hockey game. Before his father died, he and Kendall would do absolutely everything hockey-related together. Kendall's dad used to play center for his high school hockey team before a career-ending knee injury destroyed his chances of ever playing in the NHL. This is the main reason why Kendall loves hockey so much; he wants to make his dad proud when he plays it, even if his dad isn't alive to see him play it.

He's skating down the ice like playing hockey is something that he's _born_to do, and maybe it is. The puck is in his control, and Kendall knows that any second a Duluth player might slam into him and he'll lose that control. Both James and Logan are open, but a Duluth player moves to heavily guard James and Kendall places his faith in Logan.

Almost immediately after Kendall passes the puck to his smaller friend, Kendall and James are slammed into at the same time. The Duluth player guarding James trips him, causing the tall boy to go crashing into the ice. He lands face first onto the ice, and Kendall is almost sure that James must have broken _something_ in his face.

The player who crashes into him seems to come out of nowhere, slamming into his left side and pushing him all the way to the boards. They crash into the structure, and Kendall's arm takes most of the blow while his head smacks into the hard material. If he wasn't wearing a helmet, Kendall's sure his head would have cracked open.

Although he's wearing the protective head gear, his ears still ring and his head pounds after he recovers from the blow. He hears the referees blow their whistles and the two Duluth players who attacked he and James are sentenced to the penalty box for boarding and tripping. Kendall doesn't see Carlos anywhere, but Rian and Logan are helping James to his feet.

To Kendall's relief, James doesn't seem too hurt. The coach blows his whistle and calls the boys in for a team huddle. Kendall doesn't know if Logan ended up scoring or why the coach is calling them in. But he skates towards his team's leader anyway, not caring why he's being called in.

Coach Johnson looks at Kendall, James, Rian and Logan before noticing that Carlos was nowhere to be found. Instead of asking Kendall and James if they were okay like he was about to, his eyes scan the ice in search of Carlos.

Kendall hears Coach Johnson screaming his friend's name until the ringing in his ears is all he can register. The pounding in his head has increased, and he sees the world sway before him. Kendall can only watch the worried faces of his teammates as he loses his footing and slumps forward, falling into someone's arms just as the world goes black.

* * *

They have never liked being in the hospital.

The place surely wasn't unfamiliar to James, Carlos and Logan. Being hockey players, one of them or one of their teammates often wound up in the hospital due to a concussion or a particularly brutal injury caused by the rough sport.

But it's different this time. Every other circumstance that brought them to the hospital hadn't been life-threatening. It hadn't been one of their best friends, someone who they had known since they were five. But Kendall is their best friend. Kendall can _die_. And James, Carlos and Logan aren't okay with that.

The waiting room feels much too cold to the three boys. They feel out of place in the white room, surrounded by nervous fathers-to-be and one crying elderly woman. They're still in their hockey uniforms, their jerseys baring their school's colors on them. The only thing they did before rushing to the hospital was trade their skates for sneakers.

James is shaking. He has never been one to like hospitals. On his fifteenth birthday, his grandmother died. While his entire family was sad, James' mother had taken it the hardest. James' mother had always been close to her own mother and after her death, it was almost as if James' mother lost the will to live. Two months later, on a cold day in January, James' mother was diagnosed with catatonic schizophrenia. James knows now that somewhere in the mental ward of the very hospital he was in, his mother is staring blankly at a wall. Being at the hospital for someone else he loved makes James shake even harder.

Carlos doesn't even realize that he's crying. No one in his family has ever died before or even contracted any deadly illness. The Garcias were very healthy people. Carlos had only ever been in a hospital for the birth of his little sisters and the time that he visited Duncan Greyson when the boy broke two of his ribs from a particularly bad check. Kendall is one of Carlos' best friends. He's the person that Carlos always looks up to, who always has the answers. Carlos can't imagine a life without Kendall.

It has always been Logan's dream to become a doctor, and right now he wishes that dream was a reality. If Logan were a doctor, maybe he would already know what was wrong with Kendall. But he didn't. Logan was on the waiting side of the spectrum and he absolutely hates that. He knows that Kendall had to go through surgery and he knows that his family is with him right now, but that's all Logan knows. He wishes he knew what was wrong with Kendall in the first place and if his friend will make it to see tomorrow. A part of Logan is terrified that Kendall will die and he'll never be able to talk to his friend again.

The scene of Kendall losing unconsciousness and falling into Rian's arms is burned into the back of Logan and James' minds. Because Carlos was too busy going after the players who attacked Kendall and James, he didn't see the horrifying image and doesn't have to deal with it. They don't even know if Kendall is _okay._

The three boys had never liked waiting. It's nerve-wracking, no matter if the outcome is good or bad. And for James, Carlos, and Logan, it's hard to be optimistic when your fourth best friend might be fighting for his life at the moment.

Fortunately, they don't have to wait long. Only a few minutes pass and then Mrs. Knight is walking towards them, tears in her eyes and clutching a tired and crying Katie. But there's something that the boys notice about their demeanor; it's happy and hopeful, not sad.

Kendall's mother approaches them and they all stand up, looking at Mrs. Knight with hopeful expressions.

"Well?" Logan asks, breaking the silence. "Is he okay? What happened?"

Mrs. Knight hugs Katie closer to her side. "We all know that I'm no good at understanding medical speak," She says. "But from what I understand, Kendall has had a brain aneurism for quite some time now. His doctor said it was a matter of time before something happened."

"Is he okay?" James asks desperately. Despite the fact that Mrs. Knight and Katie don't look like they're drowning in grief, he still has to know. Kendall might be a vegetable for all he knows.

"The doctors performed some kind of surgery that I couldn't understand," She says. "But they say things are looking good. His doctor said he might wake up soon. God knows I want to stay, but this one needs some sleep." She gestures towards Katie. "I also knew that you boys are dying to see him. Room 814, take a left and keep walking. You'll see it on your right towards the end."

The boys smile. "Thank you, Mrs. Knight," Logan says, pausing to give Kendall's mother a hug. Each of the boys follow Logan's example and hug the woman before them.

Mrs. Knight wipes a stray tear from her cheek and smiles at them. "It's alright, boys," She says. "I'm going to get someone to watch Katie for the night and then I'll be right back here."

"I'm sure my dad would watch her," James says quickly. "Shane loves to have Katie around, anyway."

"I think I'll see if I can arrange that," Mrs. Knight says. "Thank you, James."

James nods and then the boys and the Knights bid each other goodbyes. Carlos leads the way as they follow Mrs. Knight's directions, taking a left from where they are and practically bounding down the hallway to get to room 814. They pass what seems like hundreds of rooms until they finally reach 814, the closed door being the only thing keeping them from seeing their best friend.

It's James who takes the initiative to actually open the door, passing a bathroom on his left before finding a small hospital room. Logan and Carlos are right behind him and while they were all excited about seeing Kendall, none of them could have prepared for what they're seeing now.

The boys have always seen Kendall as their strong and fearless leader. Although he's only human, James, Carlos and Logan were always under the foolish impression that Kendall would never break. The image before them completely negates that thought.

Kendall is ghostly pale, his complexion close in shade to the color of the sheets pulled up just past his waist. Although he had always been lean, Kendall looks like he lost several pounds even though he's only been in the hospital for a few hours. A turban-like bandage is wrapped around his head and he has a small cut on his arm. Overall, he doesn't look too banged up but seeing their leader broken like he is scares James, Carlos and Logan.

They're all frozen a few feet from Kendall's bed for an immeasurable amount of time. It's Logan who breaks the barrier between he and Kendall, taking a few small steps forward and approaching the figure of his best friend. He's terrified. They're all terrified. But they know that Kendall needs them if he's ever going to be okay. With that in mind, James and Carlos follow Logan's example.

There's only one chair in the room and James and Logan let Carlos have it. He looks like he's about to collapse from tears and he's also the one who went after the Duluth player who checked Kendall. Carlos gives his conscious friends a grateful look and sinks into the chair, leaning back and shutting his eyes.

Logan and James find places to sit on the windowsill and then they wait. The only reassuring sound in the room is the beeping of Kendall's heart monitor, but while it's confirming that Kendall is alive it's also terrifying to know that the machine could also signify that he wasn't alive.

Carlos let his eyes drift shut and after they notice, so do James and Logan. The three of them realize how truly tired they are in that moment. With the combined exertion of school, the hockey game, and now Kendall being in the hospital, James, Carlos and Logan all feel like they could pass out any moment.

They don't know how long they wait, but it can't be more than ten minutes until a cough causes all three of their eyes to snap open. They first look around at each other to see which one of them made the noise, but when the three of them share innocent looks, all three of them look towards Kendall.

His eyes are still closed but his brow is furrowed, like he's trying very hard to open his eyes. James, Carlos and Logan share looks of surprise before Carlos moves from his chair to the edge of Kendall's bed, the mattress sinking a bit under his weight.

"Kendall?" He asks, grabbing his best friend's hand. "Can you hear me?"

Carlos' heart lifts when Kendall nods. "Can you open your eyes?"

It's silent for a moment before Kendall groans. Carlos doesn't know whether this answer is a yes or no and he's still left confused after Kendall's eyes flutter open for one second before shutting again.

"'T happen?" Kendall mumbles, his eyes still shut. He's obviously trying to open them to see his friends but the task is proving to be difficult.

Logan edges towards the bed. "You got checked into the boards at the game and then passed out in the huddle," He explains. "There was something wrong with your brain and you just had brain surgery."

Despite the situation Kendall chuckles. "I knew there was something wrong with me," He says, "That explains the craziness."

Carlos and Logan laugh but James remains stoic in the corner of the room. "Don't joke like that," James says quietly. "You could have died."

Kendall finally finds the strength to open his eyes and when he does, he has to wait until the room stops spinning until he can focus his gaze on James. "What's up with you?" He asks, his eyebrow raising.

"Nothing's up with me," defends James, crossing his arms over his chest. "I was just terrified that you were going to die and now you're acting like nothing happened."

Sighing, Kendall says, "But I'm fine now, right?" He expects James to answer, but when he doesn't, Kendall continues. "Listen, you don't have to worry. I mean yeah, there was something wrong with me, but not anymore. I'm fine. Nothing bad is going to happen."

"You don't know that," Logan chimes in. "Just because you're okay now doesn't mean you will be tomorrow."

Kendall rolls his eyes. "Can we stop with the depressing topic?" He asks. "I sort of don't feel comfortable talking about my own death, so let's change the subject. Did we win the game?"

Carlos laughs, a hollow sound. "Yeah right," He says. "After you collapsed we had no chance so we forfeited. I'm also suspended for the next three games 'cause I jumped the Duluth guy who checked you."

"Part of me loves you forever while the other part wants to punch you for getting suspended. We need you next game!" He reaches up to run a hand through his hair but stops when he feels the gauze. His head is already pounding and he figures that it's better to leave his head alone for the time being.

"You just had brain surgery," Logan says mid-laugh, "and you're worried about the next game?"

Kendall stares at him as if he's grown another head. "Of course!" He exclaims, gesturing wildly with his hands. Logan reaches out and forces Kendall's arms to his sides, a silent gesture that tells his younger friend to take it easy.

Logan shakes his head. "Kendall, I think I should remind you again that you just had _brain surgery_," He says. "As in, they cut open your head and started prodding at your brain? You won't be able to play either."

"What?" Kendall huffs. "That's ridiculous! I'm totally fine!"

"You don't know that," James interrupts from his spot on the windowsill. "You can't talk about what's ridiculous and what's not when you don't even know if you'll wake up tomorrow."

The three boys turn to look at James who, after realizing all of the focus is on him, blushes and looks down. "Why are you so convinced that I'm going to die, James?" Kendall asks. His eyes suddenly go wide in panic and are darting back and forth between his three friends. "Is there something you're not telling me? Do I have a brain tumor or something? I think I deserve to know—"

"It's nothing like that, Kendall," Logan says, effectively stopping his friend's worrying. "I think James is just worried."

Kendall still looks confused. "Why would you be worried, though?" He questions, looking at James. James only feels more blush creep to his cheeks as Kendall's stare burns into him.

James looks up only when he's sure that the blush is gone. "Because anything could happen," He says. "You don't know that you'll be fine."

"And you don't know that I'll die," Kendall retaliates. "Really, James. I'm going to be fine. I mean, yeah, maybe it's not okay that I'm only sixteen and I have something wrong with my brain. But obviously if I was meant to die, then I would have already. I wouldn't have made it through brain surgery or whatever. I'm going to be fine, okay? And then once I get out of the hospital everything can go back to normal. So please, let's talk about something else."

But James knows it doesn't work like that. Just because Kendall is young doesn't mean he'll be able to be totally fine. James' mother was thirty-eight when she was diagnosed with catatonic schizophrenia. James knows better than a lot of people that things don't always turn out the way someone thinks they will. But instead, he keeps his mouth shut. The last thing he needs to do is worry Kendall when he's already got brain trauma going for him.

Kendall, Carlos and Logan fall into easy conversation while James only chimes in once in a while. He won't stop being scared until he's one-hundred percent sure that Kendall is okay. Carlos and Logan are engaged in a heated conversation about whether the second Land Before Time movie is better than the first when Mrs. Knight walks in.

It takes a moment for Carlos and Logan to let their argument cease before Mrs. Knight is gushing happily, tears streaming down her face as she nearly runs to Kendall's side.

"You're awake!" She screeches, gathering Kendall into her arms for a bone crushing hug. Kendall's friends snicker as the blonde boy blushes and, after seeing his friends' reactions, glares at them from over his mother's shoulder.

He gently pushes his mother away. "I know," He says, a little embarrassed.

Mrs. Knight reaches up to wipe some of her tears away. "I was so worried!" She exclaims. "Even though Dr. Lawrence said the procedure went fine, I still couldn't knock off the feeling that you could die."

Kendall shares a glance with James before answering his mother. "I'm fine," He reassures her, smiling. The words are meant to convince his mother and his best friend. "Everything's okay now, right?"

"Right," His mother says, smiling. And then she pulls him into another hug. "I'm so glad you're okay, Kendall."

The boy hugs his mother back, being careful of his head as he buries his face into her shoulder. Even though he has been convincing James and everyone else that he's fine and it's going to stay that way, he can't help but shake the feeling of fear that's currently overwhelming his senses.

* * *

James doesn't want to be in school.

Sitting in his first period Geometry class doesn't feel right to him. Kendall's empty seat is glaring at him and being at school means that James can't be with his friend. Carlos' father let Carlos skip for the day and James is almost positive that his friend is with Kendall at the hospital. James and Logan, however, were forced to go to school and James couldn't even take comfort in having Logan sitting right next to him. Instead, Logan is several classrooms away in his History class.

His teacher is droning on and on about trigonometry and how simple it is but her words go through one ear and out the other. He simply can't pay attention when he knows that his best friend since before kindergarten is fighting for his life at the very moment. Instead of paying attention in class like he should be, James stares at the whiteboard covered in formulas he can't understand due to the fact that he didn't bother learning them.

A quick glance around the room shows him that his fellow classmates are in similar trances. Of course, none of them know Kendall as well as James does, but they all know him somehow due to Kendall being in the class. Paying a bit more attention, James notices that even his Geometry teacher is lacking her usual "excited-about-triangles" tone she usually adopts. It seems as though everything has gone wrong in his class.

James is about to return his blank stare to the whiteboard before the sound of the school's intercom fills the classroom. Almost every head in the classroom turns to the box suspended above the door. As James stares at the speaker, he feels fear grip his heart in an icy clutch. Their principal has been giving them updates on Kendall's health, even though James already knew all of them. But this time, he didn't. This time, Mr. Levis' news would be just as new to James as it was to everyone else.

"Good morning, students," Mr. Levis says, his voice crackling over the intercom. "This is Mr. Levis. I have news on Kendall Knight that I need to share.

"Last night, Kendall was put into an induced coma to heal any brain damage his hockey incident might have caused him." James already knows this piece of information. He was there when the doctors did it. But for some reason, he can't shake the horrible, dreadful feeling he has adopted. "This morning, Kendall was unresponsive to both family members and the medical staff. A CAT scan revealed that he was brain dead."

James' heart feels like it dropped into his stomach. _No, no, no._ "Kendall is currently on life support but there's nothing to be done. Kendall's mother has decided to take him off life support and—"

The rest of the principal's words become a jumbled mess to James' ears. It's like a crushing force has knocked the air out of his lungs for James is having a hard time breathing. Before he can even fully comprehend what Mr. Levis' words mean, what little breakfast he had this morning is rising up his throat.

James bounds out of his seat and just barely makes it to the trash can before he's emptying his stomach into the plastic bin. His hands are gripping the rim so tightly that he's afraid he might break it as more bile makes its way out of his body. He can feel the stares from his fellow peers on his back and how his teacher is approaching him, but he ignores them.

His teacher asks him a question and although he doesn't know what she asked him, he responds with a shaky, "No." He can't even get any other word out even if he wants to.

Kendall is dead. His best friend since he was four years old is gone.

James can hear the crying of a few girls in his class but none of that compares to the heartbreaking sob that rips its way out of his body. Again, James hears his teacher say something but he doesn't know if the comment is directed towards him or another student. Either way, a boy from the basketball team named Jason helps James to his feet and walks him out of the classroom.

James has no idea where Ms. Esposito told Jason to take him but after they descend down a flight of stairs and pass the main office, he assumes Jason is taking him to the nurse's office. James is almost glad that he threw up because it means that he'll be able to go home and maybe see Kendall one last time.

Jason opens the door for him and says something to the nurse that's drowned out by James' sobs. James struggles to calm down and after a few moments, he's able to breathe again. He mumbles a thanks to Jason and watches his classmate leave.

The nurse, Mrs. Smith, pushes him gently into a chair and bends down so that they're almost eye level. "Do you want someone to bring in some medicine for you?" She asks kindly, giving James a sympathetic look.

He shakes his head. "Can I just go home?" He pleads. Instead of asking to take his temperature like she normally would, the old woman nods, pointing the phone out to James and telling him to dial 9 and then call whoever he pleases.

James gets up to make a phone call to his father before the door opens again. Curiosity causes him to turn around for a moment, where he can see a pale Logan standing in the doorway. Logan isn't crying at all, James realizes. His friend doesn't even seem to notice his presence and instead seeks out Mrs. Smith in one of the back rooms. James can hear Logan informing the nurse that he threw up as well and has had a fever all morning anyway, and promptly asks to go home. He doesn't hear Mrs. Smith's response but James assumes that she's letting Logan go home because he makes a beeline for the telephone that James is standing in front of.

Logan notices his best friend's company then and gives James the most heart wrenching expression James has ever seen. Then Logan steps forward and wraps his arms around James, burying his head into James' shoulder and finally breaking down.

James returns the gesture and allows himself to cry into Logan's shoulder, staining the fabric with a myriad of tears. Before this day, James had never cried in public. But he thinks that the fact that his best friend's life is being cut much too short gives him the right to sob all he wants in the middle of the school day.

Logan pulls back from his friend, sniffling and trying to wipe the tears away even though they're still coming. "I'm 100% sure my parents aren't home," He says, his voice scratchy. "You think I can catch a ride home with your dad? My mom put him on the list of people who can pick me up."

"Yeah, it's fine," James says, running a hand shakily through his hair. "I'll call him and ask to bring us to the hospital." He misses Logan's nod when he turns to the phone, dialing nine and then the number of his home. It's still fairly early so his father should still be home.

Kurt Diamond picks up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Dad," James says, his voice breaking on the simple word.

Immediately Mr. Diamond notices the hurt in his son's voice. "James? What's wrong?"

James takes a minute to compose himself before answering his father. "It's Kendall," James says. "I—Dad, he's brain dead." It's taking all of James' will not to break down. "Mrs. Knight is going to pu—" His voice cracks. "Pull the plug on him. I can't be here anymore. Logan, too. Don't make us stay." He whispers the last part, his voice hoarse from the crying.

Kurt nods even though his son can't see him. "I'm on my way," He says quickly. "Make sure you and Logan have everything you need."

James thanks his father and turns back to his friend. Even though they've both stopped crying they still need each other, so James brings Logan in for another hug. Afterwards, they return to their respective classes to gather their things and tell their teachers that they're being dismissed early. After stopping by their lockers, the two boys meet up in the hallway assigned to the sophomores.

They're about to make their way down the stairs when a bunch of papers taped to one locker catches their attention. It looks like its decoration for someone's birthday but a closer look shows that the signs adorning the locker aren't birthday signs, and that the locker number is all too familiar.

Logan and James approach Kendall's locker warily, both of them astounded at how many people have written Kendall messages.

"_Stay strong, Kendall!"_

"_Praying for you and your family."_

"_You can pull through this."_

There seem to be hundreds more but all of them state different variations of the same message. Neither boy knew that this many people cared about Kendall. All of these people who were hoping and praying that he would live. But it was too late. Kendall was brain dead and all of these messages were like stabs to their hearts.

Logan let out a small sob. "Why is this happening, James?" He asks, even though he's certain his friend doesn't have the answer. "Kendall doesn't deserve this. None of us do. Why do things like this happen?"

But James doesn't have an answer for his friend. Instead, he's left wondering the same thing as he wraps an arm around the smaller boy's shoulder and leads him away.

* * *

Carlos has been in the hospital since seven that morning, which was right when visiting hours began. It's now 10:37, and so much has happened since then.

At 6:30 that morning, Carlos purposely missed his bus. When his father offered to drive him to school instead, Carlos politely refused but demanded to be brought to the hospital instead, where Kendall was currently in an induced coma. Mr. Garcia had no idea why his son might want to sit by his best friend's bedside when he was in a coma, but he knew his son wouldn't be able to focus in school. So Mr. Garcia complied with Carlos' wishes and brought him to the hospital, waiting with his son until visiting hours began.

The minute they did Carlos had rushed into the room, being greeted with Mrs. Knight sitting by Kendall. She was rubbing circles into the back of her son's hand, staring at his pale and expressionless face. She had looked up when Carlos walked in, only muttering a greeting before Carlos sat right beside her and waited.

What they were waiting for, Carlos hadn't known until 9:30.

Apparently Kendall was supposed to have been responding to them, seeing as the induced coma was only to last for a short while. When they said his name, he was supposed to nod or squeeze whoever's hand he had been holding. But he wasn't. He didn't.

The doctors had run some special kind of test—what kind of test, Carlos doesn't know. But what he does know that his friend is more or less dead. From what he understands, Kendall's brain isn't working anymore. There's no way he can ever wake up and be normal again. In fact, the only reason why Kendall is alive right now is because a machine is making his breathing.

Carlos doesn't like the sound of artificial breathing. It's airy, almost. To him, it sounds like waves, pushing back and forth on the shore. While he's always enjoyed the sound of waves, he knows that they aren't what a person's breathing is supposed to sound like.

Mrs. Knight is crying silently on Kendall's other side, still holding her son's hand and trying to generate warmth with both of her palms. Carlos knows how cold Kendall is. He desperately wants to reach out and touch his friend's arm or hold his hand like Mrs. Knight is doing, but he can't. He's already tried it.

Kendall's skin is cold and hard at touch, his palms freezing. The minute Carlos had grabbed Kendall's hand in his was the same minute that he dropped that hand, not being able to accept the fact that Kendall was going to die. Kendall had always been a warm person and feeling his skin so cold had scared Carlos.

Now he's waiting for James and Logan to arrive. Mrs. Knight has already released the information to his principal so Carlos is sure that his two friends already know the news about Kendall. He also knew that his two friends were on their way here or at least going to be. There was no way they would hear the news about Kendall and then _not_ ditch school and come to the hospital right away.

He wants James and Logan here more than anything else. Not only because they need to see Kendall, but because he's absolutely terrified. Carlos has known Kendall for most of his life and now his best friend is going to die. There's no way that he'll ever be able to make it through this without the help of James and Logan.

Despite the fact that it bothered him before, Carlos reaches out and grabs Kendall's other hand in both of his. It's cold and hard, just like he had expected, and there's no flinch from the contact. Instead, Kendall remains still besides the steady rise and fall of his chest.

Carlos holds onto Kendall's hand like he'll never let go, rubbing it between his to try and generate some heat. It doesn't work. Kendall's fingers are still stiff and icy and not how they're supposed to be.

He wonders how this is fair. Kendall has never done anything wrong in his life and yet he's dying at the too-young age of sixteen. How is this fair? Why does it have to be _Kendall_? Carlos will give anything if it means that he can switch places with his best friend. Kendall deserves to live more than he does.

"Don't leave me, Kendall," He whispers, squeezing his best friend's hand again. But instead of squeezing back, instead of opening his eyes and telling Carlos that everything will be okay, he remains the same.

Tears slide down Carlos' cheeks as the reality of what's happening finally hits him. Kendall is going to die and he's not going to be coming back. When Carlos' turtle Sparky died when they were younger, Kendall was the one to make Carlos feel better. But Kendall is far more important than Sparky could ever be. Kendall is an actual human being and Carlos' best friend. Who's going to help him get over Kendall's death?

Kendall's death. Carlos didn't expect this to happen for at least another seventy years but by the end of the day, Kendall won't be living anymore. He'll be gone. And a part of Carlos knows that he'll never be able to get over it.

Before he can even comprehend what's happening, the door opens and James' father, followed by James himself and Logan, enter the room quietly. Carlos looks at his best friend's tear stricken faces with his own and tries to silently beg them to come over to where he's sitting.

He doesn't have to try hard because James and Logan are by his side in a minute. Carlos desperately wants to hug them but he also doesn't want to let go of Kendall's hand. He feels like if he lets go, Kendall will die sooner and he doesn't want that.

"I'll give you boys some time to say goodbye," Mrs. Knight says, her voice cracking on the last word. She breaks down into a fit of tears and Kurt leads her out of the room.

Logan gulps audibly. "This can't be happening," He says, his voice hoarse. His eyes aren't leaving Kendall's form as he reaches up to wipe at his face with his sleeve. Logan seems to have the same method of thinking as Carlos because it's almost like if he looks away, Kendall will suddenly die right in front of him.

Instead of giving him a verbal response James shakes his head. He's stopped crying but the tears are swimming in his eyes again as he moves to occupy the side of Kendall's bed that Mrs. Knight had been sitting on just minutes before.

He too is in denial like Logan. James wants this all to be some horrible nightmare. He wants to wake up and go to school and discuss the previous night's hockey game. But he knows that he'll never talk to Kendall again. He knows that the last conversation with his best friend of twelve years had been the day before.

"Kendall," He chokes out, and he's sure that's the only word he'll be able to say past the dam of tears that's making his throat ache. Like Carlos, James reaches out to grab Kendall's hand. He flinches at the cold but doesn't move away.

Kendall looks worse than he did the day before and the most obvious answer to James is because his best friend is dying. Kendall's skin is paler than any of the boys have ever seen it and he looks small and weak. This isn't what someone imagines when they hear Kendall's name or think about him. What Kendall is now is the exact opposite of what he's been like for the past sixteen years.

"Why is this happening?" James repeats Logan's question from earlier today he knows he won't get an answer but he asks anyway. He can't fathom the fact that tomorrow morning he'll be waking up and Kendall won't be.

Carlos looks towards James. "I don't know," He says quietly. "All I know is that it shouldn't be. I don't want to say goodbye. Kendall shouldn't—he can't die."

"But he is," Logan says, moving to stand next to Carlos. "And if we don't say goodbye now, we'll never be able to. I know it's hard because he's our best friend and we don't want him to go, but we owe it to him. Think of how many times Kendall has helped us. The least we could do is say goodbye instead of wishing that we didn't have to."

James tries to swallow past the lump in his throat but it's not working. "You're right, Logan," He says. "You're always right."

The boys fall into an awkward silence, none of them knowing who should say goodbye to Kendall first. Luckily, Carlos makes the decision for them.

"Goodbye Kendall," He says quietly, squeezing the hard hand that he was holding. "You were one of the best friends I could ever ask for and I'm—" A sob interrupts his speech. "I'm really gonna miss you, buddy." Kendall doesn't respond, and Carlos knows that his friend couldn't hear what he had just said. The thought causes more tears to fall down his face, and he shakily lets go of Kendall's hand and goes to stand in the corner of the room.

Logan steps up to take Carlos' place. "Carlos is right, Kendall," He says. "You were one of the best friends I ever could have asked for and it sucks that you don't get to live longer. I'm going to miss you a lot but I'll see you again one day." His voice cracks several times and tears finally start to fall back down his face again. He turns away from his best friend and walks towards Carlos, who is crying harder than before. He pulls his friend into a hug, resting his head on Carlos' shoulder as they cry together.

James still can't seem to find the words to speak to Kendall but he knows that if he doesn't say something now, he'll never get the chance to.

"I'm sorry," He says. It's the first thing that comes to his mind. "I didn't mean to tell you to go die. I didn't realize that you would listen." The dam of tears finally breaks and now he's trying to keep his sobs quiet. "I've known you forever it feels like and you've always helped me through everything that's been hard on me," He continues, and his words and sentences aren't making sense to him but he doesn't care. "But now you're the hard part. And you can't help me through anything if you're dead."

He pauses for a moment to regain his composure but after realizing he'll probably never have it back, he continues without caring. Kendall can't hear him anyway. "I'm going to miss you so much, you jerk," James says, laughing shakily afterwards. "We'll meet again someday and when we do, I'm going to punch you in the face." That was a lie. He would never intentionally hurt Kendall.

James wipes at the tears on his face with his sleeve and reaches forward, wrapping his arms around Kendall's icy frame. His best friend is too stiff and too cold, and although James can feel his heartbeat and breathing beneath his own chest, it _feels_ artificial. He pulls back and stares at the machine that's the only thing keeping Kendall alive at the moment.

He looks back to his friend and realizes that, although a part of him hates Mrs. Knight for pulling the plug on Kendall, that Kendall wouldn't want to live like this; attached to a machine with no hopes of ever waking up. It would be selfish of James to want to keep Kendall like this just so his best friend could be alive.

"Bye, Kendall," James whispers, standing up and joining Carlos and Logan in the corner of the room. Together, they walk out of the room and find Mrs. Knight and Kurt talking to Kendall's doctor. Once the adults notice their presence, the boys nod and all six of them file into the room.

Kurt wraps an arm around Mrs. Knight and pulls her to him. Carlos, James and Logan are all standing together, Logan's arms wrapped around Carlos and Carlos' hands gripping James' shirt. The doctor walks over to the machine that's currently pumping life into Kendall and smiles sadly at everyone in the room.

"Are we ready?" He asks. With a hand covering her mouth as if it would hold in the sobs, Mrs. Knight nods. The rest of the boys nod as well and the doctor puts his hand on the switch of the machine.

James always thought that "pulling the plug" on someone meant that a plug would literally be pulled. But instead of a plug being pull, the doctor flips the switch on the machine. It shuts off and immediately after, Kendall lets out one last airy breath before going completely still.

"Time of death, 11:13am," The doctor announced, turning to flip the switch on Kendall's heart monitor. "I'll give you a few moments before coming to collect the body."

The body. Kendall wasn't just a body. He was their best friend. But now a body was all he was.

James turns to Carlos and Logan and wraps his arms around both of them, causing Carlos to be sandwiched in the middle. They're all crying, sobbing, for the life of their best friend and what they have just lost. Kendall's gone. It's all any of them can think about. But although it hurts, they all know that Kendall died doing something that he loved, and that was playing hockey with his best friends.

"Goodbye, Kendall."

* * *

**OMWGNOTE: **Because when I think Merry Christmas, I think of Kendall dying. Yeah. Messed up. Actually I've been wanting to write this for forever because it's based on an entirely true story. There was a boy in my school last year who had a brain aneurism and when he was tackled in football, he collapsed and then had to go to the hospital. He woke up and then had to be put into an induced coma, where we went brain dead afterwards. Sound familiar? If it doesn't then you haven't been paying any attention during this at all. This was definitely really emotional for me to write, so I really hope EpicInTheLibrary liked it. Love youuuu. I would put a heart but FanFiction is gaaaayyy ffffff


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